I’m having a drink with political chameleon and my friend Armstrong Dikgafela at his favorite hangout.
Mbuso: Ya Ramoshwe, how are you man
Armie: O mpitsa mang ne monna, ke sharp sane.
Mbuso: La mosimane ke le le gaufi monna!
Armie: Ok, how are you TMW?
Mbuso: I’m great man, I can’t complain, you in the lime light again, how is it this time?
Armie: Good man, I love it, you know I love attention.
Mbuso: Ya I know, who doesn’t know. So how is it being back in the mother party after your one year sojourn?
Armie: It’s good man, we feel very much welcome, apart from a few people a lot of people are genuinely happy we are back.
Mbuso: Tell me about it!
Armie: When I got the red tie from HE the guys around him didn’t like it, in fact MPAPA did a Suarez on me last night at the BDP dinner.
Mbuso: What’s a Suarez?
Armie: Refused to shake my hand you moron! ‘’laughs out loud, people look at us and he waves like a celebrity, moron ‘’
Mbuso: Oh that tie, on Valentine’s Day, What the fuck man?
Armie: Aah, it was just a present man
Mbuso: Come on man, you the rumors are true?
Armie: What do you mean?
Mbuso: The red tie on Valentine’s Day from a well know gay man and his so called First Lady refuses to shake your hand, mmmmh, something fishy is going on, with a lot of lubrication for that matter!
Armie: Hahahaha, well, you can make your own conclusions
Mbuso: You bitch!
Mbuso: Did you have to do that man?
Armie: You don’t know what opportunities that brings man
Mbuso: Ok, I see, I wish you well man, is it not painful?
Armie: At first, but with right amount of lube you begin to enjoy it, it’s so great man; you have it once you get hooked! Now I understand why R liked it so much. She always brought lube and no session was done without me going in that way!
Mbuso: Which of the two Rs?
Armie: Ahh, my bad, the fat one. That gal is wild man, the other R is shy, unless there is another woman, then she loses it, she likes sucking tits so much
Mbuso: Aah, so the threesome rumors are true?
Armie: Hahaha, that Sonny guy is jealous. I have a lot of good memories with my gals man, there was a time we did it for a whole week man, a whole fucking week!
Mbuso: Man, you are bad!
Armie: Hehehehe, you also jealous?
Mbuso: I understand you guys rent a 2 bedroomed house in Mogoditshane,
Mbuso: and you fuck each other?
Armie: Hahahaha, yes man, chill man, we are all consenting adults!
Mbuso: So how does this happen, I mean, who initiates?
Armie: Mostly big tits R, she is so into this threesome thing, I think she is secretly bisexual cos usually she does more Ruth than me, but I don’t mind man, it’s all a wild experience, two chicks man, that’s every man’s dream
Mbuso: True man, you lucky bastard!
Mbuso: But how do you guys sleep? Do the girls share a bedroom and you have your own?
Armie: Naa man, they have separate bedrooms, I sleep with whoever I want, I’m a polygamist! Hahahahaha
Mbuso: And they are cool with that?
Armie: Yea man!
Mbuso: Ok, lets forget about your sexapades, tell me about your self man, what’s your real name? I understand this Armstrong one is not your real name
Armie: Hahahaha, who tells you that, ok I’m Kebapetse
Mbuso: For real? Hahaha, that explains a lot of things.
Mbuso: Do you have like a serious girlfriend, like mmaagwe ngwana or something like that?
Armie: I have a kid, but the mother is South African
Mbuso: You guys still together?
Mbuso: Guys tell me she is the reason you always broke
Armie: Well, I have to see my kid man
Mbuso: I understand the girl is over demanding, you gave her an impression that you were a big shot!
Armie: Well, I am
Mbuso: Get outta here, big shot ma foot!
Armie: Jealous down, I’m big man
Mbuso: So what do you do man? I understand you work at UB
Mbuso: What do you do? Lecturing?
Armie: No, I am a lIfe Guard at the UB pool.
Mbuso: Life Guard? For real? I thought you said you were a big shot, kana o makatane monna
Mbuso: Are you not a graduate?
Armie: I am man, I have a Diploma in Library studies!
Mbuso: Hahahaha, you moron, Graduate go tewa motho yo o nang le a degree, hahaha, graduate my foot!
Armie: Ke graduetile the monna! Ke graduate
Mbuso: Hahaha, now that explains why you were failing to read the statement at the press conference
Armie: Well, ok, I have a diploma in library studies
Mbuso: And you are a life guard!
Mbuso: Ok, explains a lot of stuff!
Mbuso: Its ok, lets talk BMD, what happened?
Armie: Well, immature leadership and dictatorship
Mbuso: Stop the bullshit man, just say the truth
Armie: Ok, we were not the Leader’s favorites, there was a faction led by Winfred Rasina that was undermining our every move. They accused us of partying instead of mobilizing the youth. I think the guys were just jealous. You see, we had all the nice chicks.
Mbuso: What happened to the Tshirts?
Armie: Re jele madi
Mbuso: Are you serious
Armie: Hahahaha, I’m not a BMD anymore, yes, sold the Tshirts, chopped the money
Mbuso: Is it even funny?
Armie: Oh yea
Mbuso: Get outta here!
Mbuso: Wassup with the stupid laughs man, o Moupo?
Mbuso: Damn, this dude
Armie: Hahahaha, ok lemme compose myself.
Mbuso: About you T-shirts and money, before you ran away from BDP you were accused of the same T-shirt money thing there
Armie: Well, accusations will always be just that unless one is convicted.
Mbuso: Monna o legotswana
Armie: I’m a hussler man.
Mbuso: I understand you recently bought a BMW and you crashed it within a month!
Armie: Well, shit happens
Mbuso: I am told you also crashed Tumelo Lebona’s car, which you had to pay until you finished the payments in November
Armie: Well, shit happens
Mbuso: Is it true you don’t have a driver’s license
Armie: Eish man, Matshwao a thata, ke feitse ga 13 and I’ve given up!
Mbuso: Really? 13 times?
Armie: I think its sabotage
Mbuso: Hahaha, dumb ass life guard!
Armie: Well, what can I do man
Mbuso: Back to politics, I understand you have never stood for elections except ko UB and village council ward where you dismally lost twice…..you were a compromise candidate replacing Motsaathebe as BDP NYEC Chairman, when you were supposed to go for elections you crossed over to BMD, is it true that o ne o tshaba ditlhopho tsa NYEC?
Armie: Hahahaha, that’s bull man
Mbuso: Serious man, you were Interim president ya BMD Youth League by default of you having been chairman ya NYEC. We are now going for BMD Youth League elections in April and you run away again, I agree gore O TSHABA DITLHOPHO!
Armie: Whatever man!
Mbuso: Your relationship with Tenbucks, you are very fond of him isn’t it?
Armie: Well, he is my president
Mbuso: I understand you have a letter from him framed in your house
Mbuso: But I’m told it’s only a letter summoning you disciplinary hearing!
Armie: Well, still it’s fro SKI!
Mbuso: There is too much talk of you being another girl friend ya ga rraetsho….that talk is quite old and apparently it has been there since his BDP days and continued to this day…
Armie: Well, people always talk shit
Mbuso: So how did you approach the big man after all the bullshit you said about him when you left for BMD?
Armie: I apologized man; no one can resist my charms and my good looks, hahahaha.
Mbuso: Is it funny?
Armie: Its cool man, hanging out with the big man. Even Lee was so jealous he did want to attend the press conference
Mbuso: Talking of that press conference, you couldn’t even read what you had written man!
Armie: Hahahaha, no, I didn’t write any of that, I think that kalanga guy, Simcard Masalila did.
Mbuso: Hahaha, you mean Thabo Masalila, the exec sec?
Armie: Hahahaha, ya that one, I thought his name was Simcard of Callback or something like that, these kalangas.
Mbuso: He will kill you!
Armie: Hahahaha, come on fa a le Simcard ke Simcard monna!
Mbuso: Reminds me man, the newspapers were saying “Dikgafela joins, but no big fish yet for BDP” are you a small fish?
Armie: I am big man, that’s why I was in all papers.
Mbuso: Some say you are kapenta, another said you were just a tadpole
Armie: Marete a tadpole!
Mbuso: hahahaha, tadpole gatweng ka Setswana kana, hahahaha, koloti, Mr. Koloto Dikgafela, that’s your new name man, Koloti!
Armie: Hahahaha, naa man, that won’t catch!
Mbuso: Ok koloti, what can you say to Sonny Serite after reading his article?
Armie: Son of a bitch!
Armie: All the shit he wrote about me, moron
Mbuso: Honestly speaking, fa e le wena le Sonny who takes more marks on the moron scale
Armie: Ok, ok, but he is still a bloody moron
Mbuso: A re o ne o foletse stampa le seswaa le funa ene a ja Nandos le Whiskey ko Golden Jubilee celebrations
Armie: Mosimanyana yo o rata dilo mo go maswe, ke tsile go mo fagola ha re kopana
Mbuso: Forgive him man!
Armie: Naa, he doesn’t know I have new connections!
Mbuso: So tell me about this Panzirah gal
Armie: The love of my life buddy, mathata she likes money too much, and she trades her thing for money, Guma o ne a nna fela mo go ene. But I love this woman man, you should see her tits man!
Mbuso: So the story about him paying for her car is true?
Armie: Hell yea! I was so pissed when I found out, but she pointed to me that apart from my shlot there is nothing I can give her.
Mbuso: shlot ke eng jaanong?
Armie: If its long its shlong!
Mbuso: Hahahaha, ok I get it, shlot! Can I see?
Armie: You will need a microscope!
Mbuso: Hahaha, ok, guess they say the size of the tool doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it!
Armie: It matters man, fat R has a problem with me not able to give her a good one from behind!
Mbuso: Spare me the graphics man! Shlot, hahaha
Armie: Hahahaha, ok man, just know that size matters ok!
Mbuso: O a mbora monna go sharp ke a tsamaa, o duele dibiri tseo ka madi a a go rekileng maloba
Armie: Hahahaha, ga ke a rekwa monna jou shit
Mbuso: Mind your language man
Armie: Hahahaha, before you go, you this Ntime guy threatened to beat me up, a re I got him off the lime light, he says I should have waited a few more weeks, moron, kana he is a nonentity now, no one even remembers him, he has no friends inside the BDP, nna at least my guys are still there, so I will survive.
Mbuso: Le ene mothaka yo ga a a e bala sentle
Mbuso: Ga a a bona thai le ene?
Armie: Ga ke itse, gongwe o e bone, Tenbucks le ene kana o feditse batho, a ka seke a mo lese
Mbuso: Gatwe o re feditse
Armie: Hahahaha, nyaa, nna ga ke ise ke fele, he can still have more
Mbuso: Oh ok, how revealing
Armie: Hahahaha, I’m kidding man.
Mbuso: I almost forgot to ask you man, you guys were given a hundred grand each to return to BDP as the rumor mill says
Armie: Naa man, these are just rumors
Mbuso: Man, I have it on good Authority that you received that money; you know Thabo Fanu Masalila is my homeboy? Plus my girlfriend works at FNB man!
Armie: Hahahaha, Simcard Masalila you mean, well that money was not from BDP, it was from some business deal I had
Mbuso: I’m gonna tell him you call him Simcard
Armie: Hahahaha, maybe that’s what he will name his son.
Mbuso: So what did you buy your gals for valentine’s?
Mbuso: Mops? Are you kidding me? Is your house that dirty? Well I can guess since you guys spend most of the time naked!
Armie: Hahahaha, no maan. Big tit R likes cleaning, but that’s not why I bought the mops
Mbuso: Why then?
Armie: It’s simple man, it’s two in one, a mop and a wig, if they remove the stick it becomes a wig!
Mbuso: Hahaha, that’s funny man
Armie: Yes, I know!
Mbuso: Hahahaha, you so arrogant
Armie: I know!
Mbuso: Tell me about that Debswana interview I heard about?
Armie: You and rumours man!
Mbuso: Well, tha’ts my line of business
Armie: Ok man, I was being interview for an HR post just after graduating, reaching the end of the job interview, the recruiter asked me, “Armstrong, what starting salary were you looking for?”
I said, “In the neighborhood of P55,000 a month, depending on the benefit’s package.”
The recruiter said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a Range Rover sport?”
I sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”
And the recruiter said, “Certainly, but you started it.”
Mbuso: Hahahaha, and you got the job?
Armie: Naa man!
Mbuso: Hahahaha, that’s funny man
Armie: I know!
Mbuso: So your then BDP influence did not work?
Armie: I know man, that’s the painful part about politics, we worked so hard for the party while we were at UB, once you graduate, they close the doors on your face, don’t be fooled, Botswana might be corrupt, but job wise, no maan, the minister can’t for instance ask MVA to hire me, it’s all up to the hiring authority.
Mbuso: Is that good or bad?
Armie: It’s good I guess
Mbuso: Talking of MVA, I understand these guys are very corrupt man, you know that?
Armie: Yea, this Kgosidiile guy, you should interview him some time man, did you know that the whole senior management is made up of people from Bobonong? I mean these guys can hold a management meeting in Bobonong during the festive!
Mbuso: Its bad man, I know, I don’t know why the press hasn’t picked this up.
Armie: I even know that when they hold road shows they only use Babirwa guys, Shumba Ratshega and Slizer are almost on the MVA payroll, an insider tells me that when other artists send quotations they are negotiated down, but for these two artists what they ask for is what they get!
Mbuso: This is the stuff you guys should be fighting man, not fucking around the whole day!
Armie: Well, for your information Tenbucks fucks around so much you don’t wanna ruffle feathers in case you make problems for one of his guys, I should have done that while I was still in the opposition man, it’s up to you guys to save our country! Hahahaha
Mbuso: Is that even funny?
Armie: No its not, sorry. If there is one thing you guys haven’t picked up it’s the corruption in the Babirwa community, these niggers don’t make noise about language recognition blah blah blah like you khringos, they just hire each other, you should have seen how many babirwa guys were hired at Debswana when Marole was GM.
Mbuso: Smart guys
Armie: I know
Mbuso: Well, I gotta go man, enjoy the 100 grand or whatever is left of it, and give that hole a break man!
Armie: Fuck you!
Mbuso: Hahahaha,Koloti cheri ya ga sebatana
Armie: Hahahahaha, mbuso ga ke battle!
Mbuso: O a icheipa jaanong?
Armie: Tsamaa monna o dumedise mogolooo Rasina
Mbuso: Ke tla a mo dumedisa
Armie: Thanks mate and you should apply for BDP membership man
Mbuso: Le nna ke batla go rekiwa
Armie: Gakere ke go reketse dibiri, wa peka ne monna
Mbuso: O a ntlwaela sani, ga ke rekwe ka biri
Armie: O batla bokae
Mbuso: Sharp monna, as if you have the money!
Armie: Hahaha, bye!