Koloti Kebapetse Dikgafela, well, enough said

I’m having a drink with political chameleon and my friend Armstrong Dikgafela at his favorite hangout.

Mbuso: Ya Ramoshwe, how are you man

Armie: O mpitsa mang ne monna, ke sharp sane.

Mbuso: La mosimane ke le le gaufi monna!

Armie: Ok, how are you TMW?

Mbuso: I’m great man, I can’t complain, you in the lime light again, how is it this time?

Armie: Good man, I love it, you know I love attention.

Mbuso: Ya I know, who doesn’t know. So how is it being back in the mother party after your one year sojourn?

Armie: It’s good man, we feel very much welcome, apart from a few people a lot of people are genuinely happy we are back.

Mbuso: Tell me about it!

Armie: When I got the red tie from HE the guys around him didn’t like it, in fact MPAPA did a Suarez on me last night at the BDP dinner.

Mbuso: What’s a Suarez?

Armie: Refused to shake my hand you moron! ‘’laughs out loud, people look at us and he waves like a celebrity, moron ‘’

Mbuso: Oh that tie, on Valentine’s Day, What the fuck man?

Armie: Aah, it was just a present man

Mbuso: Come on man, you the rumors are true?

Armie: What do you mean?

Mbuso: The red tie on Valentine’s Day from a well know gay man and his so called First Lady refuses to shake your hand, mmmmh, something fishy is going on, with a lot of lubrication for that matter!

Armie: Hahahaha, well, you can make your own conclusions

Mbuso: You bitch!

Armie: Hahahaha

Mbuso: Did you have to do that man?

Armie: You don’t know what opportunities that brings man

Mbuso: Ok, I see, I wish you well man, is it not painful?

Armie: At first, but with right amount of lube you begin to enjoy it, it’s so great man; you have it once you get hooked! Now I understand why R liked it so much. She always brought lube and no session was done without me going in that way!

Mbuso: Which of the two Rs?

Armie: Ahh, my bad, the fat one. That gal is wild man, the other R is shy, unless there is another woman, then she loses it, she likes sucking tits so much

Mbuso: Aah, so the threesome rumors are true?

Armie: Hahaha, that Sonny guy is jealous. I have a lot of good memories with my gals man, there was a time we did it for a whole week man, a whole fucking week!

Mbuso: Man, you are bad!

Armie: Hehehehe, you also jealous?

Mbuso: I understand you guys rent a 2 bedroomed house in Mogoditshane,

Armie: Yes!

Mbuso: and you fuck each other?

Armie: Hahahaha, yes man, chill man, we are all consenting adults!

Mbuso: So how does this happen, I mean, who initiates?

Armie: Mostly big tits R, she is so into this threesome thing, I think she is secretly bisexual cos usually she does more Ruth than me, but I don’t mind man, it’s all a wild experience, two chicks man, that’s every man’s dream

Mbuso: True man, you lucky bastard!

Armie: Hahahaha

Mbuso: But how do you guys sleep? Do the girls share a bedroom and you have your own?

Armie: Naa man, they have separate bedrooms, I sleep with whoever I want, I’m a polygamist! Hahahahaha

Mbuso: And they are cool with that?

Armie: Yea man!

Mbuso: Ok, lets forget about your sexapades, tell me about your self man, what’s your real name? I understand this Armstrong one is not your real name

Armie: Hahahaha, who tells you that, ok I’m Kebapetse

Mbuso: For real? Hahaha, that explains a lot of things.

Armie: Well…

Mbuso: Do you have like a serious girlfriend, like mmaagwe ngwana or something like that?

Armie: I have a kid, but the mother is South African

Mbuso: You guys still together?

Armie: Yes

Mbuso: Guys tell me she is the reason you always broke

Armie: Well, I have to see my kid man

Mbuso: I understand the girl is over demanding, you gave her an impression that you were a big shot!

Armie: Well, I am

Mbuso: Get outta here, big shot ma foot!

Armie: Jealous down, I’m big man

Mbuso: So what do you do man? I understand you work at UB

Armie: Yes

Mbuso: What do you do? Lecturing?

Armie: No, I am a lIfe Guard at the UB pool.

Mbuso: Life Guard? For real? I thought you said you were a big shot, kana o makatane monna

Armie: Hahahaha

Mbuso: Are you not a graduate?

Armie: I am man, I have a Diploma in Library studies!

Mbuso: Hahahaha, you moron, Graduate go tewa motho yo o nang le a degree, hahaha, graduate my foot!

Armie: Ke graduetile the monna! Ke graduate

Mbuso: Hahaha, now that explains why you were failing to read the statement at the press conference

Armie: Well, ok, I have a diploma in library studies

Mbuso: And you are a life guard!

Armie: Yes

Mbuso: Ok, explains a lot of stuff!

Armie: What?

Mbuso: Its ok, lets talk BMD, what happened?

Armie: Well, immature leadership and dictatorship

Mbuso: Stop the bullshit man, just say the truth

Armie: Ok, we were not the Leader’s favorites, there was a faction led by Winfred Rasina that was undermining our every move. They accused us of partying instead of mobilizing the youth. I think the guys were just jealous. You see, we had all the nice chicks.

Mbuso: What happened to the Tshirts?

Armie: Re jele madi

Mbuso: Are you serious

Armie: Hahahaha, I’m not a BMD anymore, yes, sold the Tshirts, chopped the money

Mbuso: Damn!

Armie: Hahahaha

Mbuso: Is it even funny?

Armie: Oh yea

Mbuso: Get outta here!

Armie: Hahahaha

Mbuso: Wassup with the stupid laughs man, o Moupo?

Armie: Hahahaha

Mbuso: Damn, this dude

Armie: Hahahaha, ok lemme compose myself.

Mbuso: About you T-shirts and money, before you ran away from BDP you were accused of the same T-shirt money thing there

Armie: Well, accusations will always be just that unless one is convicted.

Mbuso: Monna o legotswana

Armie: I’m a hussler man.

Mbuso: I understand you recently bought a BMW and you crashed it within a month!

Armie: Well, shit happens

Mbuso: I am told you also crashed Tumelo Lebona’s car, which you had to pay until you finished the payments in November

Armie: Well, shit happens

Mbuso: Is it true you don’t have a driver’s license

Armie: Eish man, Matshwao a thata, ke feitse ga 13 and I’ve given up!

Mbuso: Really? 13 times?

Armie: I think its sabotage

Mbuso: Hahaha, dumb ass life guard!

Armie: Well, what can I do man

Mbuso: Back to politics, I understand you have never stood for elections except ko UB and village council ward where you dismally lost twice…..you were a compromise candidate replacing Motsaathebe as BDP NYEC Chairman, when you were supposed to go for elections you crossed over to BMD, is it true that o ne o tshaba ditlhopho tsa NYEC?

Armie: Hahahaha, that’s bull man

Mbuso: Serious man, you were Interim president ya BMD Youth League by default of you having been chairman ya NYEC. We are now going for BMD Youth League elections in April and you  run away again, I agree gore O TSHABA DITLHOPHO!

Armie: Whatever man!

Mbuso: Your relationship with Tenbucks, you are very fond of him isn’t it?

Armie: Well, he is my president

Mbuso: I understand you have a letter from him framed in your house

Armie:  True

Mbuso: But I’m told it’s only a letter summoning you disciplinary hearing!

Armie: Well, still it’s fro SKI!

Mbuso: There is too much talk of you being another girl friend ya ga rraetsho….that talk is quite old and apparently it has been there since his BDP days and continued to this day…

Armie: Well, people always talk shit

Mbuso: So how did you approach the big man after all the bullshit you said about him when you left for BMD?

Armie: I apologized man; no one can resist my charms and my good looks, hahahaha.

Mbuso: Is it funny?

Armie: Its cool man, hanging out with the big man. Even Lee was so jealous he did want to attend the press conference

Mbuso: Talking of that press conference, you couldn’t even read what you had written man!

Armie: Hahahaha, no, I didn’t write any of that, I think that kalanga guy, Simcard Masalila did.

Mbuso: Hahaha, you mean Thabo Masalila, the exec sec?

Armie: Hahahaha, ya that one, I thought his name was Simcard of Callback or something like that, these kalangas.

Mbuso: He will kill you!

Armie: Hahahaha, come on fa a le Simcard ke Simcard monna!

Mbuso: Reminds me man, the newspapers were saying “Dikgafela joins, but no big fish yet for BDP” are you a small fish?

Armie: I am big man, that’s why I was in all papers.

Mbuso: Some say you are kapenta, another said you were just a tadpole

Armie: Marete a tadpole!

Mbuso: hahahaha, tadpole gatweng ka Setswana kana, hahahaha, koloti, Mr. Koloto Dikgafela, that’s your new name man, Koloti!

Armie: Hahahaha, naa man, that won’t catch!

Mbuso: Ok koloti, what can you say to Sonny Serite after reading his article?

Armie: Son of a bitch!

Mbuso: why?

Armie: All the shit he wrote about me, moron

Mbuso: Honestly speaking, fa e le wena le Sonny who takes more marks on the moron scale

Armie: Ok, ok, but he is still a bloody moron

Mbuso: A re o ne o foletse stampa le seswaa le funa ene a ja Nandos le Whiskey ko Golden Jubilee celebrations

Armie: Mosimanyana yo o rata dilo mo go maswe, ke tsile go mo fagola ha re kopana

Mbuso: Forgive him man!

Armie: Naa, he doesn’t know I have new connections!

Mbuso: So tell me about this Panzirah gal

Armie: The love of my life buddy, mathata she likes money too much, and she trades her thing for money, Guma o ne a nna fela mo go ene. But I love this woman man, you should see her tits man!

Mbuso: So the story about him paying for her car is true?

Armie: Hell yea! I was so pissed when I found out, but she pointed to me that apart from my shlot there is nothing I can give her.

Mbuso: shlot ke eng jaanong?

Armie: If its long its shlong!

Mbuso: Hahahaha, ok I get it, shlot! Can I see?

Armie: You will need a microscope!

Mbuso: Hahaha, ok, guess they say the size of the tool doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it!

Armie: It matters man, fat R has a problem with me not able to give her a good one from behind!

Mbuso: Spare me the graphics man! Shlot, hahaha

Armie: Hahahaha, ok man, just know that size matters ok!

Mbuso: O a mbora monna go sharp ke a tsamaa, o duele dibiri tseo ka madi a a go rekileng maloba

Armie: Hahahaha, ga ke a rekwa monna jou shit

Mbuso: Mind your language man

Armie: Hahahaha, before you go, you this Ntime guy threatened to beat me up, a re I got him off the lime light, he says I should have waited a few more weeks, moron, kana he is a nonentity now, no one even remembers him, he has no friends inside the BDP, nna at least my guys are still there, so I will survive.

Mbuso: Le ene mothaka yo ga a a e bala sentle

Armie: Bari

Mbuso: Ga a a bona thai le ene?

Armie: Ga ke itse, gongwe o e bone, Tenbucks le ene kana o feditse batho, a ka seke a mo lese

Mbuso: Gatwe o re feditse

Armie: Hahahaha, nyaa, nna ga ke ise ke fele, he can still have more

Mbuso: Oh ok, how revealing

Armie: Hahahaha, I’m kidding man.

Mbuso: I almost forgot to ask you man, you guys were given a hundred grand each to return to BDP as the rumor mill says

Armie: Naa man, these are just rumors

Mbuso: Man, I have it on good Authority that you received that money; you know Thabo Fanu Masalila is my homeboy? Plus my girlfriend works at FNB man!

Armie: Hahahaha, Simcard Masalila you mean, well that money was not from BDP, it was from some business deal I had

Mbuso: I’m gonna tell him you call him Simcard

Armie: Hahahaha, maybe that’s what he will name his son.

Mbuso: So what did you buy your gals for valentine’s?

Armie: Mops

Mbuso: Mops? Are you kidding me? Is your house that dirty? Well I can guess since you guys spend most of the time naked!

Armie: Hahahaha, no maan. Big tit R likes cleaning, but that’s not why I bought the mops

Mbuso: Why then?

Armie: It’s simple man, it’s two in one, a mop and a wig, if they remove the stick it becomes a wig!

Mbuso: Hahaha, that’s funny man

Armie: Yes, I know!

Mbuso: Hahahaha, you so arrogant

Armie: I know!

Mbuso: Tell me about that Debswana interview I heard about?

Armie: You and rumours man!

Mbuso: Well, tha’ts my line of business

Armie: Ok man, I was being interview for an HR post just after graduating, reaching the end of the job interview, the recruiter asked me, “Armstrong, what starting salary were you looking for?”
I said, “In the neighborhood of P55,000 a month, depending on the benefit’s package.”
The recruiter said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a Range Rover sport?”
I sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”
And the recruiter said, “Certainly, but you started it.”

Mbuso: Hahahaha, and you got the job?

Armie: Naa man!

Mbuso: Hahahaha, that’s funny man

Armie: I know!

Mbuso: So your then BDP influence did not work?

Armie: I know man, that’s the painful part about politics, we worked so hard for the party while we were at UB, once you graduate, they close the doors on your face, don’t be fooled, Botswana might be corrupt, but job wise, no maan, the minister can’t for instance ask MVA to hire me, it’s all up to the hiring authority.

Mbuso: Is that good or bad?

Armie: It’s good I guess

Mbuso: Talking of MVA, I understand these guys are very corrupt man, you know that?

Armie: Yea, this Kgosidiile guy, you should interview him some time man, did you know that the whole senior management is made up of people from Bobonong? I mean these guys can hold a management meeting in Bobonong during the festive!

Mbuso: Its bad man, I know, I don’t know why the press hasn’t picked this up.

Armie: I even know that when they hold road shows they only use Babirwa guys, Shumba Ratshega and Slizer are almost on the MVA payroll, an insider tells me that when other artists send quotations they are negotiated down, but for these two artists what they ask for is what they get!

Mbuso: This is the stuff you guys should be fighting man, not fucking around the whole day!

Armie: Well, for your information Tenbucks fucks around so much you don’t wanna ruffle feathers in case you make problems for one of his guys, I should have done that while I was still in the opposition man, it’s up to you guys to save our country! Hahahaha

Mbuso: Is that even funny?

Armie: No its not, sorry. If there is one thing you guys haven’t picked up it’s the corruption in the Babirwa community, these niggers don’t make noise about language recognition blah blah blah like you khringos, they just hire each other, you should have seen how many babirwa guys were hired at Debswana when Marole was GM.

Mbuso: Smart guys

Armie: I know

Mbuso: Well, I gotta go man, enjoy the 100 grand or whatever is left of it, and give that hole a break man!

Armie: Fuck you!

Mbuso: Hahahaha,Koloti cheri ya ga sebatana

Armie: Hahahahaha, mbuso ga ke battle!

Mbuso: O a icheipa jaanong?

Armie: Tsamaa monna o dumedise mogolooo Rasina

Mbuso: Ke tla a mo dumedisa

Armie: Thanks mate and you should apply for BDP membership man

Mbuso: Le nna ke batla go rekiwa

Armie: Gakere ke go reketse dibiri, wa peka ne monna

Mbuso: O a ntlwaela sani, ga ke rekwe ka biri

Armie: O batla bokae

Mbuso: Sharp monna, as if you have the money!

Armie: Hahaha, bye!

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BCP Leader opens up to Mbuso

I am with the multi-millionaire president of the Botswana Congress Party and Gaborone Central member of parliament Mr. Dumelang Saleshando at the BCP Head office in Gaborone

Mbuso: Hello sir

Dums: Hi Mbuso,

Mbuso: How are sir?

Dums: It’s been an incredible 2012, I’m mentally, emotionally and sexually exhausted

Mbuso: What does sex have to do with it?

Dums: Well, that’s how I deal with my frustrations, so I was frustrated every day, so u can imagine.

Mbuso: Imagine you…. Hahaha.  Naa, I’d rather watch porn

Dums: Come on, I mean imagine how tired I am.

Mbuso: Your wife can help u with your frustrations every day? You lucky bastard!

Dums: No, I’m a politician man, there always those choir beavers willing to help, you know, as the old man from Mahalapye would say “Party e agwa ka noka”

Mbuso: Hehehehe, that old man is a legend I tell you, gakere ke ene you o reng “Tau e ja bojang” justifying his devouring of maids, cleaners, drivers etc, do you also eat grass?

Dums: Depends man, but honestly, I’ve a good supply of great chicks.

Mbuso: Talking of the old man, you seem to have a lot of clashes in parliament; you always have something cheeky to say to him.

Dums: Its politics man, you have to be witty

Mbuso: Ke bolailwe ke comrade Modubule maloba a re VP o ne a le kgakala le palamente a apere dishorts ka bo 1969

Dums: Yea, that was a great one, but I still hold the record for the best quip

Mbuso: Which one?

Dums: Ya ga MmaMoitoi

Mbuso: remind me

Dums: We were debating the Media prectitioner’s act and obviously the opposition was against it. So trying to be defensive, she said “Ga e kake yare ngwana e le gone a tsholwang le bo le mo thobosa gore ga a kake a nyalwa”, then I said “Fa e kabo motho a kgona go thobogiwa re ka bo re sena bo Venson-Moitoi”

Mbuso: Hahahaha, I remember that one, that was a classic man, you good. I also remember ya gore when Ian flies BDF planes we should not be surprised to see Merafhe riding the white ceremonial horses to parliament; that was a great one as well.

Dums: Well, these people can be frustrating, like last week when even people who haven’t been to school where commenting on stuff they didn’t understand.

Mbuso: I saw that in Mmegi, when you said even those that can’t read are commenting, you really hit a nerve there, MmaTshireletso chested it.

Dums: It comes with the territory man

Mbuso: Enough with jokes man, let’s talk politics, how is the party?

Dums: The party is great man, it’s a great organization with great people, dedicated to the cause of rescuing Batswana from poverty.

Mbuso: Great to hear that man

Dums: Thanks

Mbuso: So what can you say to people who think BCP is a family party, actually some people go to the extent of calling it Saleshando (PTY) Ltd.

Dums: Well, what can I say to stupid people, really, you know what they say, you argue with a fool you bring yourself to his level.

Mbuso: So you are not going to comment?

Dums: Naa

Mbuso: Ok, is BCP a Saleshando dynasty?

Dums: No, not in the mould of BDP, I was elected by the BCP members, not appointed the way Ian was appointed by one person

Mbuso: But you were unopposed!

Dums: Well, that goes to show you how popular I am!

Mbuso: But Khama was also unopposed during the 2008 congress

Dums: I worked hard for what I have, my father never influenced my ascendance to parley or to BCP presidency, I beat a seasoned politicians Mma Nasha at the polls!

Mbuso: Ok, sir I get it

Dums: Thanks

Mbuso: Your little brother, Phemelo, is it, He is BDP?

Dums: Foolish boy

Mbuso: Hehehehe, you guys get on well?

Dums: Well, he is my brother, but we not friends

Mbuso: No tolerance there mate

Dums: Its betrayal, if he is BDP, why not keep it to himself?  If we can’t convince our own sibling on our ideology how do you expect us to convince other people?

Mbuso: Exactly the point! Go and convince him before you come to us!

Dums: He is just an attention seeker, nothing more.

Mbuso: Well, what can I say, BCP has been in ascendency since its formation, but lately you guys seem to attract negative press, wassup man?

Dums: Well, we made a few mistakes along the way

Mbuso: A few mistake, naa man, the LOO stunt was killer man, what happened? The general understanding is that BCP engineered this!

Dums: It’s not true that the BCP engineered this. We were approached by some leaders in the BNF. Ba tsile ko go rona ba re re thuseng and we did help them.

Mbuso: You guys knew, through the Press, that the BNF central committee agreed that the seat should rotate between the two parties, what business did BCP have in the leader of the opposition, as the minority party?

Dums: Well, we were approached by one of the Majority parties!

Mbuso: Why didn’t you guys form a formal coalition then?

Dums: Well, we thought a simple majority of MPs would work.

Mbuso:So you guys never read the standing orders? Hehehe, how dumb.

Dums: It was a mistake

Mbuso: But then why did BNF make a coalition with BMD instead of you guys?

Dums: We are as shocked as you are!

Mbuso: Who said I was shocked?

Dums: Well….

Mbuso: Got you there!

Dums: Yea, you did!

Mbuso: Now it does not look good for you man

Dums: I know hey

Mbuso: Boko was quoted as saying he spoke to you at length and you guys understand each other.

Dums: Yes we talked, but that does not remove the sense of betrayal.

Mbuso: Let’s talk about the umbrella, what happened?

Dums: Well, we had irreconcilable differences with BMD, there was a stale mate and the conveners in agreement with all the parties declared the talks collapsed.

Mbuso: What was the issue?

Dums: Some constituencies that we worked so hard for that BMD wanted on a silver platter.

Mbuso: There was a general rule that incumbency should apply to currently held seat isn’t it?

Dums: Well, we had a problem with that.

Mbuso: So what is the way forward?

Dums: Well, the general consensus is that we go it alone; the chalice is already poisoned, especially between us and BMD. The betrayal from BNF is another reason why we can’t honestly work with them.

Mbuso: How true is that after wikileaks produced a report that you guys will win the elections in 2019 you became big headed and wanted to treat other parties especially BMD like small partners.

Dums: Well, that’s just a perception.

Mbuso: You see yourself as the president of the country one day?

Dums: Hell yea, why not?

Mbuso: I understand your wife was seen window shopping for furniture for the state house when you guys get there

Dums: Hahahaha, that can’t be true.

Mbuso: Well, if BCP wins the elections in 2014 what would you do on your 1st 100 days

Dums: Well, I would fire Ian Khama.

Mbuso: Fire Khama, from what job?

Dums: From the presidency!

Mbuso: When you win you become president, moron!

Dums: Hahaha, that’s was a joke man, take it easy

Mbuso: Are, so you think you are a comedian? You think you fucking Dignash or some shit like that?

Dums: Take it easy man!

Mbuso: Hahahaha, I got you there!

Dums: Well, I’m thinking, why is this asshole so sensitive!

Mbuso: Ok, enough with the vulgarities man, where were we?

Dums: Ok, my 1st hundred days, it’s a tough one, there is so much to be undone, get rid of the repressive alcohol trading laws and the alcohol levy introduced by the fucking current president. Probably order a comprehensive investigation of Ian Khama’s business associates and try to recover all these money the guys are squandering. Fire Isaac Kgosi from the DIS and order an audit of their finances and operations. We will change a lot of laws to make the country more democratic, introduce freedom of information act etc.

Mbuso: Well, you will be busy there

Dums: Well, what can we do under the circumstances.

Mbuso: Well I wish you luck sir

Dums: Thanks

Mbuso: What do you think are the chances of BMD/BNF coalition if they can work together in the next elections?

Dums: Well, BMD does not have the numbers, they can’t even produce a membership list! Their perceived growth is just good press, nothing else. I admit their rallies where always well attended, but it’s because people were curious. While BNF is breaking apart.

Mbuso: What’s your take on Afro Ntime Junior joining BDP?

Dums: Well, the boy is a trouble maker, he is best at BDP. But one thing he doesn’t understand, BDP has no place for attention seekers. He will have to toe the line there, his stupid so called academic papers will dry out I tell you.

Mbuso: But you guys courted him

Dums: Yes, BCP is always looking for new members

Mbuso: So you have space for attention seekers?

Dums: Well, we have our own Lotty!

Mbuso: Man, that nigga is so dumb, and at 40 WTF is he doing in the youth league?

Dums: Well, the party has no control on who gets voted into the Youth league.

Mbuso: Do you guys ever talk?

Dums: Well, I always try to ask him to stay in line, you know, we have enough bad publicity as it is now, we can do with some peace.

Mbuso: Do you believe that BMD will disband and join BDP?

Dums: Well, in Botswana politics you can never say never. People don’t even have permanent positions on issues, That’s why Ntime was criticizing the BDP budget and policies yesterday and today he is praising it. Right now the whole youth league executive resigned, they might be rejoining! But I think the party will disband after 2014, the election results will hit them below the belt, to tell you the truth, since they pushed out Guma and Sidney Pilane, their coffers have dried, they have absolutely no money, they can’t even hold a decent rally.

Mbuso: You guys in the opposition had good will and the press behind you, you fucked up by letting yuor egos get in the way.

Dums: I think the talks were bound to fail  anyway, but the win by Michael Sata’s Patriotic Front in Zambia gives us hope that we can win if we go it alone.

Mbuso: You guys wanted a PACT with BNF, is it true you wanted to swallow them like you swallowed NDF and BAM?

Dums: No, BNF is bigger than that, we cannot swallow it

Mbuso: But BAM was big as well

Dums: Naa, it was a small party

Mbuso: I disagree man, if you didn’t swallow BAM you would have only 1 or 2 MPs

Dums: Well, since there were no exit polls at the elections you would never certainly know.

Mbuso: I am told the BCP constitution does not limit the presidential terms, how many terms are you gonna do?

Dums: Well, I’m the BCP leader

Mbuso: Yes I know sir, so are you a life president?

Dums: I’m a leader man, you remember Fidel Castro? Libyan leader Gadhafi?

Mbuso: You kidding me?

Dums: Hell no, there is nobody who can fill my shoes, who do you think will be the next president, fucking Lotty Manyepetsa? Come on.

Mbuso: Hehehe, not Lotty, that’s a dumb ass MTF!

Dums: You see, there is absolutely no alternative! My stupid brother could have been the one but the dumb ass decides to go BDP

Mbuso: Do I smell dynasty?

Dums: No man, some people are born to lead!

Mbuso: So is Ian ok to be grooming his brother cos he was born to lead?

Dums: Problem is those Seretse boys are real dumb, none of them has more than high school education.

Mbuso: So your problem is not Khama dynasty?

Dums: That’s exactly my point, the Khama dull dynasty!

Mbuso: You must be intelligent

Dums: Well, I got at least a degree man. And I speak good english

Mbuso: Well, what can I say.

Dums: Nothing man

Mbuso: But if you guys win, you will be forced to serve two terms.

Dums: I will do a Putin, have someone serve one term then take over, the constitution only limits to two consecutive terms, the person can even resign after 2 years and I can take over!

Mbuso: Man, you smart

Dums: I know hey!

Mbuso: So you and Ntuane are on speaking terms?

Dums: Well we do speak sometimes

Mbuso: Why well?

Dums: I mean taking into considerations what is going on right now, we talk you know, but it’s not like it was years back.

Mbuso: People think you are arrogant?

Dums: Yes I am, you don’t achieve what I have achieved without arrogance man.

Mbuso: Well said.

Dums: Thanks

Mbuso: So who is your role model?

Dums: I am my own role model man.

Mbuso: I understand you are filthy rich man, what’s your line of business?

Dums: I would rather not say sir.

Mbuso: Well Mr. Role Model, thanks for your time

Dums: Thanks to you.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Ken from BDC

Mbuso: Good morning sir?

Ken: Good morning young man, how can I help you?

Mbuso: You can’t really help me, but I need to ask you a few questions

Ken: Are you from DCEC?

Mbuso: No no, I have a blog and my readers have been begging me to talk to you

Ken: Aah, I see

Mbuso: Why are you so afraid of DCEC?

Ken: It’s a long story man

Mbuso: You used to be called Mr. Clean, now I don’t know what happened?

Ken: I think my biggest mistake was to join politics, I am now in the spot light and my detractors are going behind my back to dig as many skeletons as they can from my closets.

Mbuso: Your conflict of interest case, how do you feel now that you have been exonerated?

Ken: I always knew I was innocent, the state had no case

Mbuso: Aah I see, but really, don’t you see the conflict of interest?

Ken: I don’t wanna talk about this case

Mbuso: Look here, a company that is building your house wins a tender with a company you are heading, is that right?

Ken: Can you change the topic please?

Mbuso: Ok sir, but you owe me and my readers an honest response on this one, can we talk BDC?

Ken: Damn, I knew that was coming

Mbuso: Your girls man, what the fuck where they thinking?

Ken: Eish

Mbuso: Really, did they honestly think they could pull that one off?

Ken: Man, this is one big mess

Mbuso: Are you not implicated sir? You know this fioyang business or whatever that fucking company is called, started when you were still there

Ken: I think the investigations will unravel everything, let me not pre-empt that

Mbuso: Did you have a culture of kickbacks at BDC?

Ken: No no sir

Mbuso: So what did this come from?

Ken: I don’t know

Mbuso: Come on, now it makes more sense that you were accused of conflict of interest while you were at BDC

Ken: Well you are free to think whatever you want to think.

Mbuso: Why were you so quick to fire board members at the instigation of Nthebolan, the chief suspect in this whole mess?

Ken: I had intelligence that they were leaking information to the press

Mbuso: From DIS?

Ken: Never mind who my source was.

Mbuso: Where you not trying to protect you ass?

Ken: How?

Mbuso: I have it on good authority that when all this mess started when you were still the managing director at BDC. It was  during your time as Head of BDC that the corporation snubbed China Luoyang Float Glass Group (CLFG) a world class company with experience spanning five decades for Shanghai Fengyue a small company that had never been involved in glass manufacturing, had a questionable credit rating and charged more than double the price for setting up the controversial float glass plant in Palapye. It was also during your time at the head of BDC that the initial partner presented to the BDC board Shanghai Fengyue GlassChina was surreptitiously switched for Shanghai Fengyue British Virgin Islands. The new partner had never been involved in any business and was registered a few days before the agreement with BDC was signed. What did you know about all this?

Ken: Well, I don’t want to jeopardize the investigations

Mbuso: You are not as clean as you wanted people to believe Mr. Matambo, I put it up to you that you are a thief, you where part of a process that defrauded me and other tax payers of millions of pula. What do you say to that?

Ken: I have no comment

Mbuso: Don’t you think you have to resign from cabinet?

Ken: No no, why should i?

Mbuso: The evidence points to your involvement, and your quick dismissal of the board that exposed the rot at BDC

Ken: They were leaking internal investigations to the press

Mbuso: I don’t think that was a bad thing, if the press did not pick this it would have been swept under the carpet.

Ken: No no, that’s not true

Mbuso: Why did cabinet seek to stop parliament investigating this issue

Ken: We believe DCEC is capable of investigating

Mbuso: Whats wrong with a parallel investigation?

Ken: Well, it will be a waste of resources

Mbuso: More that what we have already lost?

Ken: Well…

Mbuso: If you are found culpable will you resign?

Ken: It’s up to the president.

Mbuso: Come on Ken

Ken: He appointed me, so he has the final say

Mbuso: Have you ever been in jail sir?

Ken: No, why?

Mbuso: I don’t see you escaping this one

Ken: Come on man, I am not involved

Mbuso: Ok tell me about those women at BDC

Ken: What about them?

Mbuso: Is it true that you were hammering all of them?

Ken: Hahahaha, that’s ridiculous

Mbuso: I just needed to hear it from the horse’s mouth

Ken: Ok

Mbuso: Tell me, just between me and you, what do you think of the president?

Ken: Big mistake, the man does not listen to anybody, does not understand shit about budgeting and fiscal plans, whenever he dreams of his socialist initiatives he wants it done regardless of the budget or inflationary implications.

Mbuso: Damn, was the alcohol levy actually a cabinet decision

Ken: Naa, we heard about it on BTV as well, we had to fight hard to bring it to the initial 30%. We tried to show him that people will lose jobs and inflation will jump, but the guy does not seem to understand, fucking retard.

Mbuso: Hahahaha, you don’t seem to hold him that high

Ken: Well, we are stuck with him

Mbuso: So will we see you after 2014?

Ken: I am not sure, like you say, I might be in jail. hahaha

Mbuso: Its not a laughing matter

Ken: I know

Mbuso: If you were to stand where will you stand?

Ken: Tonota South obviously

Mbuso: Against PPP

Ken: Yes why not?

Mbuso: Can you spin on the ground?

Ken: hahahaha, I’m a gentleman

Mbuso: Ya, I can imagine you on a freedom square wearing red overalls and spinning on the ground

Ken: That’s would never happen

Mbuso: So in cabinet, does anybody ever oppose the president?

Ken: Only PHK, at times, the rest of us always keep quiet. Whatever the man says we agree, then  we have guys like that MPAPA guy with falling hair who is like a cheerleader.

Mbuso: What with that guy’s hair by the way?

Ken: Don’t know, DK says o jele sereto

Mbuso: I trust DK to say that!

Ken: Its very obscene, I can’t take tea in his company, looks like all that dandruff can fly into your tea.

Mbuso: So who came up with this backyard gardening initiative, HE or dandruff?

Ken: I don’t know, looks like it was conceived in Mosu, but the way the dandruff guy talks about it u would think he conceived it, but we all know his little secret

Mbuso: What secret?

Ken: Everybody knows where he spends most nights

Mbuso: This is interesting, where does he spend his nights?

Ken: Ok, forget I mentioned it

Mbuso: Have you ever addressed a BDP rally?

Ken: No, never, I am not that kind of guy.

Mbuso: So if you decide to stand for Tonota South who will campaign for you?

Ken: That’s the million pula question, i might eventually decide not to stand because of that

Mbuso: Are you shy?

Ken: No

Mbuso: So whats your problem?

Ken: I just can’t bullshit people

Mbuso: Hahahah, ija. So has the president ever invited you to Mosu?

Ken: No. he prefers the younger guys

Mbuso: What do you mean?

Ken: He hangs out with the young guys

Mbuso: Ok, I see, so what do you think of the Kgafela Issue?

Ken: Aah, that boy is crazy

Mbuso: What’s the general sentiment in cabinet?

Ken: Funny enough this has never been discussed in cabinet, the president blocked it.

Mbuso: Your cabinet meetings must be interesting

Ken: Naa, too many dull people in there

Mbuso: Ok, sir, I gotta go, its Friday, beer are waiting to be drunk

Ken: You see, I told that moron the levy won’t work, its just meant to impoverish already poor people

Mbuso: hahaha, ba re moron, ok sir, have a great weekend

Ken: Thanks Mbuso, beware of the booze buses.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Kgosi Kgolo, hehehe, just kidding, a man who thinks he can derecognize him!

I have a chance meeting with Honourable Mokalaka (kana ke Mokalake, ke tla mmitsa moKhringo fela)

Mbuso: Dumela rangwane, le kae?

Mkhringo: Hello mosimanyana, o ngwana waga mang kana?

Mbuso: My name is Tati Mbuso Wakabipa

Mkhringo: Your lastname doesn’t ring a bell, Rraago o na le sediba monna?

Mbuso: Nyaa rra

Mkhringo: O na le polase?

Mbuso: No sir

Mkhringo: O itsege ka eng fela, ga ke bone nka go itse waitse

Mbuso: O itsege ka go tlotla bogosi

Mkhringo: Nyaa go raa gore ga nkake ka go itse ngwanaka

Mbuso: You don’t have to know me sir, i want to ask you a few questions, i won’t take much of your time

Mkhringo: What questions? Are you a Journalist or a DIS agent?

Mbuso: I am a blogger

Mkhringo: logger ke gohe jaanong? O phatsa dikgong?

Mbuso: Nyaa rra, ke a kwala

Mkhringo: Mme ga o journalist?

Mbuso: For this puropose lets say ke Journalist

Mkhringo: O batla go ntsietsa monna, where is your ID?

Mbuso: Come on sir, I won’t take your time and i have just a few questions

Mkhringo: Monna o batla go ntsaa dinopolo gakere

Mbuso: Ok, lets not waste much time sir, lets talk about the Kgafela debacle, whats your side of the story?

Mkhringo: Well, this boy needs to be put in his place, he is just behaving like a bull in a china shop

Mbuso: What the root of the problem?

Mkhringo: He has issues with the law, he wants the government to withdraw the charges just because he is a chief. But nobody is above the Law. Only the president is immune and only in some instances. He can’t go around beating people. That’s wrong. He should let the law take its course.

Mbuso: He says you guys go around his back to his kgotlas, you refuse to engage him

Mkhringo: What engagement does he want, he refused to be a government employee like other chips, I mean chiefs. He beats people and when he is taken to court he wants to meet ministers and the president, what for?

Mbuso: I don’t know, can’t you at least hear what he has to say?

Mkhringo: It will be a waste off time. This boy smokes Mbanje I tell you.

Mbuso: I learn you were once his teacher, was he smoking mbanje then?

Mkhringo: No, he was a well mannered boy, I don’t know what’s going on in his head right now, like I said before, I never taught him these bad manners he is displaying, calling the president names and disrespecting us, ministers, who are even his former teachers.

Mbuso: So you decided to derecognize him?

Mkhringo: Yes, to us he is no longer the Chief of Bakgatla

Mbuso: People argue that that action is of no consequency because he was not a government employee, nor was he a member of the house of chiefs, you had no authority over him anyway.

Mkhringo: From now on he is a commoner, we don’t need to consult on anything

Mbuso: His argument is you never did anyway. For Instance, Ian has never been to Mochudi since Kgafela became Kgosikgolo, even before the current noise started.

Mkhringo: This boy was stubborn from day 1, when he refused to be a member of the house of chiefs, he is so cheeky this boy.

Mbuso: But he outlined his reasons, he wanted to serve his people without being controlled by anybody

Mkhringo: Do you think the administration was happy with that? That was actually unprecedented, he wants to be an authority above the elected government, now see what he is doing with his so called Constitutional case, calling everybody just to waste our time, eish this boy. If I was the president I would have him Kalafatised

Mbuso: Aah aah sir, what kind of thinking is that?

Mkhringo: Nyaa, ke gore dilo tse dingwe di a tena, this boy just wanna make the country ungovernable, he is a threat to the National Security.

Mbuso: Talking of kafatising, is it something you guys have been considering?

Mkhringo: Naa, its too dangerous, I don’t think it has even crossed the president’s mind.

Mbuso: So now that you have derecognised him, whatsur grand plan?

Mkhringo: Well, we will await his next move, in the mean time we will look for someone to replace him.

Mbuso: Hahaha, how are you gonna pull that one off, i’m told your planned meeting with the uncles failed, they said they were busy with tribal things.

Mkhringo: Well, we will find someone

Mbuso: You guys take things for granted; you think there will be a Mokgatla crazy enough to agree to be appointed a permanent chief?

Mkhringo: Money and power can do anything man

Mbuso: Ok, we will wait and see, did you see his letter?

Mkhringo: Disrespectful, what do you expect, this boy is delusional I tell you

Mbuso: Calling you cowards for going to his Kgotla behind his back

Mkhringo: Ramblings of a mad boy

Mbuso: I notice you keep on calling Kgosi kgolo boy, is that deliberate?

Mkhringo: Yes, he is a boy to me

Mbuso: Will that not irk his followers?

Mkhringo: To hell with them

Mbuso: Where you guys not deeply embarrassed by what transpired in Kgatleng, when you were jeered at and had vulgar songs about you belted at your faces?

Mkhringo: It was quite unnerving

Mbuso: Hehehehe, now i understand where the cowards tag comes from

Mkhringo: Those boys can be ruthless, re ne re tshogetse gore re ka nna ra kgwathisiwa.

Mbuso: Whats your advice to Kgafela and his followers?

Mkhringo: Kgafela should know that we are a republic, not a monarchy, He is a Motswana 1st,

then a Kgosi second, he should learn to respect authority and let the law take its course. As for

his foillowers, the arm of the law is very long, if they want to cause problems we will crush them very hard, they will not know what hit them.

Mbuso: Ok it was nice chatting with you sir, we will be watching!

Mkhringo: Ok young man, just ask your chief to behave, I mean former chief.

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Ian talks again

I with my man Ian, we seating by the fire in my home Village Nswazwi discussing this and that, we just made the fire and the old men are yet to arrive.

Mbuso: Hello sir, its been a long time since we talked, how have you been?

Ian: Hi Mbuso, I’m good man, I’ve been wondering where u were

Mbuso: I’ve been busy as a bee sir

Ian: I guessed so, I tried to have Kgosi’s boys locate you, but since u changed jobs they were unable to get hold of you.

Mbuso: Seriously? Those guys must be so incompetent; they could have gone to the cellphone providers and looked for my number, now I understand why the Americans said they were clueless about their jobs, what a bunch of morons

Ian: Between me and you, I am beginning to doubt them as well, I think DIS is another D, Disaster

Mbuso: Oh, disaster makes sense, is that why the Disaster funds were used to establish it?

Ian: Hehehe, no, that was just a coincidence, anyway, someone can say that

Mbuso: So what made you look for me so much?

Ian: I needed someone I could trust to talk to man, a lot of stressful things are going on Mbuso

Mbuso: I’m so sorry sir, I’ve been supper busy with the new job, plus a search for a new girlfriend

Ian: New girlfriend? What happened to the last one?

Mbuso: Ah, we attended that compromised BDP meeting together and she ran away with that Police Uniform guy, and she left me.

Ian: Oh I’m sorry, you straight guys behave just like us, you can be so promiscuous, yea that’s a big word right there, hehehe, gatwe Ian ga e itse skgowa, ke mang yo?

Mbuso: Hehehe, I will give you that one, yea, guys just fuck around, kana that guy is married, I guess he just wanted something for that weekend, because on Monday she called me all weepy and trying to apologize, but I told her to fuck off.

Ian: Oh Mbuso, u should be more forgiving man

Mbuso: I was traumatized man, kana I caught her blowing the guy off in his car, and she has always refused to do that to me!

Ian: Hehehe, sory my man, so what brings you to Nswazwi?

Mbuso: I could be asking you the same question, I am from here!

Ian: Oh, I see. Well I’m here to seat by the fire with old men and learn their traditions

Mbuso: These summer nights can be hot, so the fire is just symbolic right?

Ian: Yea, it is

Mbuso: Tell me about the blankets you dish out on your trips, where do you get them from?

Ian: Aah, that’s classified information!

Mbuso: Come on Ian, if you tell me I will tell you a big secret of my own

Ian: No sir, I’m not the gossipy type

Mbuso: Is it true that there are pre-requisites for companies to set up business inBotswana?

Ian: No, that’s not true, these blankets are donations from well wishers and generous Batswana

Mbuso: So now that its summer, why can’t you donate umbrellas, cooler boxes and camp chairs?

Ian: Hehehehe, lol at camp chairs, I am donating to the needy man, it might be hot now, but we still have chilly rainy nights

Mbuso: One old man said that there is no dignity in the blankes, why can’t you create permanent jobs so people can buy their own blankes?

Ian: Its not easy man. Some of the people we give blankets to can’t do anything on their own, there are old, demented or disabled. We don’t give blankets to able bodied people .

Mbuso: Some people are wondering why these donations cannot be left to the Red Cross or social workers

Ian: Hey, I am a politician!

Mbuso: Ok, that sums it up, you politicians can be tricky!

Ian: Yea, like I said before, it’s a dirty game

Mbuso: Talking about a dirty game… (a gust of wind blows ash in our direction, HE uses his cowboy hat to cover his face and his Afro turns white) hehehe, that looks so natural, I mean they white on your hair

Ian: Give me a minute man, lemme go comb this ash out, I don’t want some naughty photographer taking a picture of me like that, I’l be right back. (He removes a comb from his pocket and strolls to his car. In the mean time I put more wood in the fire. Old men are arriving and I chat to Area MP Mr. Batshu)

Mbuso: Dumilani Miha

Eddy: Wa muka mbisana?

Mbuso: Nda muka sir, I can see you guys are campaigning hard using government resources

Eddy: Nonsence, Tautona o lekola Batswana

Mbuso: You have been acting minister for 10 years now, haven’t you asked the man why he can’t make you a proper minister?

Eddy: Gutwane ilele a u nga li khone, kana a a to dabidzaniwa naye (You can not understand this colored guy, he is one person you cannot answer back to)

Mbuso: Oh, so you are one of the stupid yes men Nkate talked about to the American ambassador?

Eddy: I only fight fights I can win. Ian is a strong willed man and he always wants his view to pass, so what’s the use in antagonizing him?

Mbuso: So why are you in cabinet then, if you can’t advise the president?

Eddy: I only talk when my opinion is requested, otherwise I am here to support the president. Even when I was campaigning I had his portrait on my campaign posters.

Mbuso: I see. (the Man, walks back to his seat, by this time the MC calls for order, the evening sessions begins, I have to cut my interview)

Ian: Mbuso, I have to go man, we have to schedule another appointment, can you come to my farm on Saturday 24th?

Mbuso: Your farm? In Mosu? No ways!

Ian: Come on man, we can have more time to chat man.

Mbuso: Ok, I will think about it

Ian: bye man, gimme your business card, I will make sure my people contact you to set up the trip

Mbuso: ok, see you then, I’ll prepare well for the interview.

Ian: bye man, and take care  

********************2 weeks later************************** 

After a nice helicopter flight from Gabs with the Man in the COCKPIT, we are seated by the poolside, enjoying the afternoon sun.

Mbuso: Nice place you have here sir

Ian: Oh, thanks, this is my favorite hangout

Mbuso: So I gather, and all these quad bikes, you must be an adrenaline junkie

Ian: Well, a man gotta have a hobby!

Mbuso: True that, thanks for giving me another interview sir, a lot has been going on, lemme start with wikileaks.

Ian: Yes, wikileaks, what a mess

Mbuso: Those American cables had a lot of interesting stuff

Ian: You can say that again!

Mbuso: The stuff they said you said about Mugabe was hilarious!

Ian: Hehee, its true, that old man is an enigma

Mbuso: There also some unsavory stuff said about you by people we all thought were in your corner

Ian: Yea, like we said the other day, politics is a dirty game. They may try to deny that they said all that but the Americans had no reasons to lie.

Mbuso: What they all said was nothing new anyway, the opposition and other independent analysts have been saying what Nkate, Venson and Tshireletso said.

Ian: That’s no excuse, there were not supposed to say such things about me to foreigners.

Mbuso: So the feelings of betrayal aside what did you learn from all that?

Ian: That you can never trust a politicians. They smile at you and claim to be your friends if that would help them achieve their goals

Mbuso: Did you summon them to your office to explain themselves?

Ian: Nkate refused to see me, however the other two denied having said that, but I made it clear that I knew they said that.

Mbuso: Any punishments?

Ian: I am still angry, let me cool down first then I will decide.

Mbuso: What action are you taking to prevent your ministers yapping to foreign diplomats again?

Ian: Well, I guess they learnt from all this experience

Mbuso: You asked DCEC to stop investigating those stupid brothers of yours?

Ian: lol at Stupid, no I just wanted to know what the investigation was about

Mbuso: Don’t you think that was interference?

Ian: Well, you can say whatever you want.

Mbuso: wow, that’s sad, these BDF tenders issues is a nightmare isn’t it?

Ian: I don’t think so, Wynter Mmolotsi can yap all he wants, there is nothing he can do about it

Mbuso: 2014 is just around the corner

Ian: What is happening in 2014?

Mbuso: Elections duh!

Ian: Hehehehe, don’t worry, I will deliver another win to the BDP

Mbuso: Serious?

Ian: Yea, there is still no alternative

Mbuso: Umbrella?

Ian: Hahaha, what umbrella, these guys can’t work together, it does not scare us.

Mbuso: Are you serious?

Ian: Hell yea

Mbuso: Lets talk about Kentse Rammidi

Ian: Ah, that boy, he thought he was smart but I had him all checked out

Mbuso: Is it true that you deliberately forced him to resign?

Ian: Did you expect me to work with someone I couldn’t trust?

Mbuso: With the recent wikileaks story we now know that you can’t trust anybody

Ian: Its better to have someone who bullshits you into thinking that they like you than someone who will openly defy you!

Mbuso: Wow, I would expect the opposite

Ian: In politics things work differently, as a leader you have to appear to be in control

Mbuso: I see

Ian: Politics is a bullshitting exercise, you think I enjoy shaking hands with those miserable people on my walkabouts? No man, I could wear gloves, but that would be political suicide, instead I always carry hand sanitizer. I sanitize my hands before I touch the door knob of my car. Politics is a nightmare man.

Mbuso: Wow, what a revelation, why are you in politics sir, if you hate it so much

Ian: I’m the fucking president ofBotswana man!

Mbuso: Hehehe, so politics is a necessary evil

Ian: It is, I get so much pleasure from my job, and the respect and adoration I get from ordinary Batswana out there surpasses all the insults I get from the Jealous politicians and the press.

Mbuso: Talking of the press, you still don’t read local newspapers?

Ian: I have no time to read anything man, I hardly ever read, even when the officers brifef it has to be verbal. The last time I read anything was a manual of some toys Isaac brought fromsouth Africa.

Mbuso: Toys?

Ian: Adult toys man,

Mbuso: Oh, ya, I get it, you and Isaac have been together for a long time isn’t it, what’s the secret to such?

Ian: Mutual respect, deep seated friendship and willingness to share

Mbuso: Sharing is caring neh, so that’s how other “friends” like Lee, Masisi, Shadrek, and those hunks from SA come in?

Ian: Well, we don’t do anything behind anybody’s back!

Mbuso: How I wish my girlfriend allowed me to stray like that!

Ian: The thing is would you also allow her?

Mbuso: It’s a tough one

Ian: You need discipline buddy.

Mbuso: Talking of discipline, what’s your take on ANC’s disciplining their Youth League president for his comments on you?

Ian: Well, that boy was out of order

Mbuso: What Malema said is what the opposition has been saying, and now we know even your closest allies think the same

Ian: I am misunderstood!

Mbuso: So people say all these things about you that are not true?

Ian: Hell yea. They are jealous!

Mbuso: You and your jealousy excuses, you behave like a girl you know!

Ian: Well, its called role playing, sometimes I’m the girl sometimes I’m the man, hehehe, keeps my life more interesting.

Mbuso: hehehe, leave the bedroom stuff out of it!

Ian: oh, sorry

Mbuso: You have had such an eventful life sir, what’s the best part?

Ian: My teenage years inSwaziland and of course the past 3 years as the president of the republic.

Mbuso: Talking ofSwaziland, I understand you left your PSLE certificate there and you are refusing to go back and take it!

Ian: I don’t need it!

Mbuso: Is it true that you had 5Ds, hence your obsession with Ds?

Ian: Hehehe, you funny, no comment, I don’t remember how it looks like

Mbuso: How come you and your siblings were so dull at school? I understand when you became president DIS went to Maruapula and confiscated all academic records of your twin brothers, another set of Ds

Ian: We not dull, just that we had so much going on in our lives, the incessant fights between mom and dead, alcohol abuse in the family plus just being spoilt rotten with GPOs. We never took education seriously because we had our every whim catered for.

Mbuso: Oh, so its true what Duma Boko said, that you have been living on GPOs all your life?

Ian: To a certain extent yes, but you can’t use that against me! I didn’t choose the life I have.

Mbuso: I was shocked the other day when you mentioned that Nurses who were dismissed will not be rehired.

Ian: I said so

Mbuso: Is that government policy?

Ian: Its my policy!

Mbuso: You come about as a divisive vengeful leader

Ian: Well, you can label me all you want, the fact remains that I, as the leader of the country, will not let unpatriotic citizens get away with abusing their privileges. There are tons of unemployed people out there, so if anyone does not want a government job, we will give their job to someone who will appreciate it!

Mbuso: wow, you are so passionate about this right?

Ian: These people lack discipline!

Mbuso: So what is your ideal picture ofBotswana

Ian: A place where there is no poverty, no crime, no disrespect for the elderly and finally no alcohol!

Mbuso: I see, good luck in realizing that

Ian: If I can influence one person to have a positive outlook in life that would be enough.

Mbuso: I see, lets talk about your Job, MOE, what’s going on?

Ian: Well I know it’s a mess, I don’t know how this can be solved. These teachers unions are a menace I tell you. They are the root of all the problems in this ministry.

Mbuso: You do not think they have a case?

Ian: No, these people are employed, there are people out there who are not working, those are conditions, so they should shut up and work, their conditions would be improved as times goes by when we get out of this recession.

Mbuso: That’s what you believe, I see!

Ian: Hell yea

Mbuso: What about this issue with the soldiers complaining of being cheated of money after their tour of duty inSomalia?

Ian: I don’t know the nitty gritties of that issue, but I urge them to remain calm, their issues will be addressed.

Mbuso: Kenny Kapinga, what a surprise redeployment

Ian: Well, as a public officer, you should be prepared to work anyway in the public service.

Mbuso: Was he not better placed to reform the police?

Ian: Who said the police service needs reform, kapinga is BCP, so we can’t have our police service led by a known enemy!

Mbuso: Who said he was BCP? Your clueless DIS?

Ian: Well, he refused to take BDP membership, and he paid for it!

Mbuso: I see. Tell me, how come you have never attended the UN general Assembly?

Ian: I have better things to do!

Mbuso: Like what?

Ian: Visit Batswana in their homes to hear their concerns

Mbuso: Are you serious?

Ian: I am. The UN is a useless body

Mbuso: I see, the recentZambia elections, what’s your take?

Ian: Unfortunate

Mbuso: what?

Ian: Any change of government, no matter how peaceful, is always regrettable. Especially in Africa because right now they gonna dismantle all the structures left by the other government, fire all senior civil servants and come up with untested policies. That’s what I’m afraid is gonna happen in 2014 if god forbid, these morons win the elections!

Mbuso: Hehehe, I don’t know what to say

Ian: Maybe its time for some fun man, you wanna go quad biking? The guys are ready!

Mbuso: Well, why not!

Ian: Ok man, lets continue the conversation later

 

 Off we went quad biking, leaving trails of dust behind us in the dusty pan in the middle of the well fenced ranch. We stopped periodically to enjoy the scenery and the sunset. Dinner was served around 8 pm. After dinner we took a leisurely hike through the farm, in the moonlight. After the hike we went to our respective rooms to refresh before we met again at the kgotla to sit around the fire and trade stories.

********************** The next day*********************  

We are sited in the gazebo having breakfast 

Mbuso: Thanks for the invitation sir, I really had a good time

Ian: My pleasure

Mbuso: Can I ask a few more questions for my blog?

Ian: Yes, why not.

Mbuso: Our foreign policy, is it written or you guys just invent it as you go?

Ian: Well, there are guiding principles

Mbuso: Why does it look like you respond differently to different countries even when their situations are similar?

Ian: Like which countries?

Mbuso: Lets takeLibya andMalawi. Both the leaders said they were going to shoot protesters but you guys publicly condemned Ghaddafi but said nothing about Mutharika even though in both countries civilians died.

Ian: You can ask Skelemani, I have no idea how that ministry works

Mbuso: But you are the head nigger in charge sir

Ian: Well, like I said, I never read anything, I get briefed and decide what response should be given, but I would not remember the facts now,

Mbuso: Ok, back home, what do you think of Kgafela?

Ian: That young man is crazy. He must smoke dagga. He is delusional. We don’t know what he wants.

Mbuso: Have you talked to him?

Ian: He has insulted me, calling me names, why should I see him? So he can insult me to my face? No way. Once he goes to jail I will visit him, before then I will let the courts deal with him. We can’t have a state within a state.

Mbuso: I have no more questions sir

Ian: Ok man, thanks for coming here, I hope to see you again soon

Mbuso: Oh before we go, what do you think of the new BDP central commitee

Ian: Its good

Mbuso: The new Secretary General?

Ian: He is a good man, he can listen and he does not hog attention, he knows who is the boss.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Milpark Survivor

Mbuso: Dumelang

The Late: O teng moshimane?

Mbuso: Ke teng sir, le fodile,

The Late: Ke fodile moshimaneaka, kana o ne wa nthola ko Milpark, ampore ke thothorega

Mbuso: Gone o ne o vaile straight, kana le wena o theogetse ka pela sir, you were still on your death bed when you appeared on BTV ko Ub stadium then that infamous statement you made on the strike

The Late: Nne ke fodile the monna

Mbuso: No sir, gongwe o ne o ritifaletswe but you appeared fragile and your cheekbones were sunken, so was your neck, you were a sorry site, no wonder they call you the late

The Late: Ao rra, was I that bad?

Mbuso: You looked terrible; some called you Lesilo, sepoko and all such names

The Late: Kids these days have lost respect I tell you

Mbuso: Its elders like you who show us the wrong way

The Late: What do you mean?

Mbuso: Your womanizing is legendary, gatwe you eat anything on 2 legs, you even coined statements like “Tau e ja bojang” for when you devour security guards and government cleaners

The Late: Hehehe, that’s not true

Mbuso: Why should people make up such things?

The Late: I don’t know

Mbuso: But you know what made people lose the little respect that was left respect?

The Late: yes?

Mbuso: What you said after John Kalafatis was killed

The Late: What did I say, I must confess, my memory is failing me these days

Mbuso: Really?

The Late: Don’t say it to anyone, but sometimes I wake up and I don’t remember who I am or where I am

Mbuso: At 75, you are not young anymore

The Late: I know, but I still function, even though I need pills to do some things

Mbuso: hahaha, those pills almost killed you madala, why don’t you just accept that you are past some stages and retire?

The Late: Retire and do what?

Mbuso: You will die in a compromising position one of these days if you are not careful

The Late: That’s not a bad idea at all.

Mbuso: Hehehe, just imagine saying “Oh god, I’m coming” and actually have him welcome you!

The Late: O a ntlwaela sani

Mbuso: How long have you been using those magic pills?

The Late: 10 to 15 years, life savers those

Mbuso: Hehe, gontse gotwe ke tsone di neng di go vaisitse jaana

The Late: Maaka

Mbuso: Hehehe, mme kana Dumelang a re di regulatiwe

The Late: O roga batho mosimane yoo, ele gore rraagwe a nyetsi maloba jaana ene o kgona jang?

Mbuso: Bayeyi gongwe banwa meporotlo ya bone

The Late: Hehehe, mme yone e difara jang le dipilisi tse tsa rona?

Mbuso: Ga e emise pelo

The Late: Ke tla a mmotsa

Mbuso: Back to the Kalafatis incident, does it not haunt you that what you said in jest was misinterpreted and now people use it as an excuse to disrespect you?

The Late: hehehe

Mbuso: Whats funny?

The Late: Sorry moshimane waka, ke ne ke etile thaloganyo, o ne o reng kana?

Mbuso: Lets forget it

The Late: No, I’m sorry, be patient with me, can you remind me of what I said

Mbuso: That one or two deaths will not dent our image

The Late: Yes, I said that, what wrong with that statement?

Mbuso: A man had been killed, what message were you passing to the family?

The Late: Well, that man was a criminal; his family did not raise him right, obviously

Mbuso: Well, we cannot expect any sensitivity from you, can we?

The Late: Come on, you are being too critical

Mbuso: Ok, lets go back to your BTV statement, why you?

The Late: I was surprised that the government had not directly addressed Batswana, but the Boss man could not be persuaded to do that.

Mbuso: So it was your sense of duty that made you come out of your death bed to record that statement?

The Late: I don’t know about the deathbed issue, but what I know is that I saw a need to address the issue and I did just that

Mbuso: Do you understand the public reaction to your statement? Especially that they felt you were still too sick.

The Late: They should have been happy that I am well and working, I think there is too much hatred in our country.

Mbuso: About that, I remember you fuming that people were campaigning for your constituency, declaring you as dead, who told you those things?

The Late: People close to me, my nephew even beat up somebody who was telling people that I was dead.

Mbuso: And it was BDP people?

The Late: Yes, like I said they were telling people to prepare for a by-election

Mbuso: Hehehe, but was a kgotla meeting the right platform to address politics?

The Late: Well, I was addressing people on my health, and because a lot of things were said that I had dispel

Mbuso: Lets talk BDP politics, PHK mentored Motswaledi, DK ntuane, who did you mentor?

The Late: Botlogile Tshireletso, she owes everything she is to me!

Mbuso: But she paid you in kind, so its not really mentorship.

The Late: Well, you are free to call it what you want, but I showed her the ropes and made sure she progressed so well.

Mbuso: So you have been together for so long do you guys have kids together?

The Late: I will not answer that one, but she is a very important woman in my life

Mbuso: What does she say about the young ones?

The Late: Well, she knows her station, so its not an issue.

Mbuso: Is she also on ARVs?

The Late: Well, I can’t discuss her health, wait a minute, also like who?

Mbuso: Oh, well, its no big secret that you are on ARVs, and whats painful is one young lady who reads news at BTV is on them too, and people suspect you gave her the virus, and she passed it to one of the young MPs who happen to be her ex boyfriend.

The Late: Hey hey, I will sue you for that, I did not infect anybody. Plus every individual is responsible for their sexual health. If the young man did not use a condom mme a sa itse status sa ngwanyana ke dibonwa ke ene.

Mbuso: I just shudder to think how many impressionable young ladies you might have infected sir, its sad

The Late: Are you accusing me of deliberately infecting young women?

Mbuso: Was it not deliberate?

The Late: Tell me one person I infected

Mbuso: I know of a young lady who kept buying morning after pills every time she slept with you, I don’t know her status but to me it shows that even though you knew your status you did not use a condom with her.

The Late: I don’t know what you are talking about young man, should I be discussing my sex life with you?

Mbuso: I’m sorry sir, let me ask this, when you said people on ARVs were behaving as if they are normal a o ne o ipalela moteng

The Late: Kante ke mang yo o riling ke nwa di ARV?

Mbuso: Ga o dinwe?

The Late: I don’t have to tell you

Mbuso: Mme gone o ne o raa jang?

The Late: Can we change the topic?

Mbuso: I am sorry sir, back to you, you have progressed so much since we first saw you, will you be running for office again in 2014?

The Late: Yes, that’s the plan, if the people of Mahalapye still want me.

Mbuso: Are you concerned about the impact of a united opposition?

The Late: Only a fool will say no, we have lost a good number of our hard working people, you will remember that Winter Mmolotsi, Ntuane and Guma Moyo just to name a few did not have full party support in 2009 but they still won. I don’t see how we are going to win all those marginal constituencies in 2014, we just hope that greediness among the opposition politicians produces a lot of independents, that way we will be guaranteed to benefit from split votes.

Mbuso: We continue to see BDP councilors decamping to the opposition, 7 in the past 2 months if not more, whats wrong?

The Late: Most of them were working with those people who left to form BMD, so it was only a matter of time before they followed. Its worrisome but u would prefer to work with people you can trust absolutely.

Mbuso: Trust or control?

The Late: Well, depends on what u wanna call it.

Mbuso: People like Nchi Rammidi are undesirable?

The Late: You don’t want people who will differ with their leaders in public

Mbuso: Do leaders always have the best ideas?

The Late: No, but there are channels you have to communicate your stand

Mbuso: Why should leaders make their stand public even before they consult the led?

The Late: Well, I wouldn’t have done that, but you have to understand that our current leader is not an ordinary person, ga a a godisiwa jaaka ka bana ba bangwe, so we have to learn to live and work within those limitations.

Mbuso: That’s a lame excuse, if he takes positions contrary to what me as an MP and my constituents think, should I just be constrained by collective responsibility to support that stand?

The Late: Yes, you are an MP because of the party and you should articulate party positions

Mbuso: I think I have asked you this before, what the difference between party position and the president’s position?

The Late: Well….

Mbuso: Under normal circumstances, I know we are living in abnormal times led by an abnormal person, how does your party take a position on any given topic, be it nationally or international

The Late: We have leadership forums and party caucuses

Mbuso: We hardly hear of those now, and in any case people are accusing you guys, especially you and the president of bulldozing your positions through with no room for diverging views

The Late: Well, I can’t deny or agree with those ascertains, it depends on who said that and why, if its those BMD people, remember we were in opposing camps so they would never have said anything nice about us.

Mbuso: What your take on BTV and RadioBotswana as they currently operate?

The Late: Well, between me and you, its embarrassing, I have tried to raise that with HE but nobody listens to me these days. They call me the sick old man, but really, these two institutions, especially BTV, have lost credibility in the eyes of the right thinking Batswana.

Mbuso: Who do you blame for that?

The Late: That boy, Mogomotsi Kaboyamodimo. He is the one who came up with all those reforms, that’s the problem with putting loyalty above merit.

Mbuso: You seem to be taking a stance opposing the president

The Late: I’ve been supporting him all along, but I’ve lost credibility since, plus now they don’t even listen to me

Mbuso: They?

The Late: Yes, he has his kitchen cabinet that run the country

Mbuso: The 5 guys?

The Late: Yes

Mbuso: Their names?

The Late: Ask him

Mbuso: Please

The Late: The country is being run by these 6 people, Ian Khama, Tshekedi Khama, Parks Tafa, Ndelu Seretse, Isaack Kgosi and Thapelo Olopeng

Mbuso: That’s the Kitchen Cabinet?

The Late: Yes, they were the ones who decided whether Ian should see the various delagations that wanted to meet him, they also decide who gets promoted, who gets appointed to cabinet, even who goes into the BDP central committee.

Mbuso: That’s so sad, and you?

The Late: I am the sick old man

Mbuso: So you are resigned to oblivion?

The Late: What can I say, they can remove me anytime you know

Mbuso: Why can’t you just leave?

The Late: I have financial obligations

Mbuso: hehehe, so the story of a chain of beavers picking up brown envelopes is true

The Late: Where did you get that?

Mbuso: People talk

The Late: I help people

Mbuso: Somebody tells me you have the whole BDP choir under your wing

The Late: Party e agiwa ka noka ngwanaka

Mbuso: A mme o santse o aga party?

The Late: That’s an ongoing thing my boy

Mbuso: Gakere bo Fidelis Molao ba ntse ba a e aga le bone

The Late: Ee, mme lehatshe le le letona

Mbuso: Tell me this, the really story behind Masimolole and Makgalemele’s u turn from BMD

The Late: Greed, no, blackmail is the right word

Mbuso: Yes?

The Late: Masimolole has as many babies as he has pubic hair, we had 12 women threaten to take him to court for maintenance, actually, a civil imprisonment order was granted against him, we gave him only one choice, return to BDP, and he did take it.

Mbuso: Monna o busitswe ke noka

The Late: Ee, ene o ja hela a sa itshireletse a dira bana ba bantse mo ekete poo mme a sena se a ka se jesang

Mbuso: He should learn from you sir, from the best

The Late: Hehehe, nna ke thokomela bongwanake rra.

Mbuso: Makgalemele ene, o boetseng?

The Late: Oh, that boy was up to his ass in debt, he had recently divorced and remarried his creditors were closing quickly on him and we could only help if he remained at BDP.

Mbuso: How many Barata Phathi Mps remained at BDP because of the blackmailing

The Late: Well, almost all of them, these rats are in debts, kana they are under paid

Mbuso: Even DK?

The Late: O seka wa bua ka Pudi eo, tonki ya monna mogolo

Mbuso: hehehe

The Late: Whats a sorry excuse for a man

Mbuso: Lets not talk about him, I know we can spend the whole day talking about him

The Late: Good idea.

Mbuso: Let me ask you a few questions my readers asked me to pass to you

The Late: Yes?

Mbuso: one said Tswee tswee mmotse gore ke eng a rata seane sa noga ya monnamogolo ga e tsohale mme sa thong botho a se itebatsa, o kgona yang go thokomela khwaere e kana ka payslip ya goromente, kana o ja khwaere ya banana ba duelwa ka dikipa

The Late: Motho yo o a tsenwa, kante ke eng bana ba Batswana ba sena maitseo jaana?

Mbuso: hehehe, a re utlwe gore yo mongwe a reng, nyaa le ene o botsa ka queue ya di envelope

The Late: Like I said before, I help young women who might be in trouble

Mbuso: And you give them the virus in return?

The Late: You should stop this virus nonsense, I use a condom

Mbuso: Ok, utlwa gore yo a reng, botsa the late gore a mme ke nnete gore o konopiwa ke mfana o o neng are o mosua 3 million. Gape o mmotse gore ke eng a ne a raya babereki a re mogodu o tla rekwa ke mang ha jaanong ele gore rotlhe retla nna le madi.

The Late: Ga ke dirise dingaka tsa Setswana so fa ele gore ke a konopiwa ga ke itse. Kgang ya babereki ga ke gakologelwe ke rialo, mme its true if we all have money who will wash our cars? Plus what I said before is you should have seen the expensive cars ko mabaleng a GSS and people say they don’t have money.

Mbuso: Gakere tse dingwe di rekwa ke lona

The Late: You boy, you don’t wanna give me a break on that do you

Mbuso: Sir, re buile lobaka, I wish you the best health

The Late: Tanki mosimane

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

MPAPA, its an acronym!

I finally managed to sit down with the man self, MPAPA.

Mbuso: Rraetsho, Minister of Presidential Affairs and Public Administration, can I just call you MPAPA?

MPAPA: Hehehe, O a bo o reng jaanong monna?

Mbuso: It’s the abbreviation for your tittle, I shall call you that to make my job easier, no pun intended.

MPAPA: Ok man, whatever works for you, lol, MPAPA, the banna ga le utlwe

Mbuso: Gakere go na le MOE, MOA etc, ya gago ke MPAPA

MPAPA: Ehe, go siame rra, mme le kae

Mbuso: Re teng, re batho ba eng tota fa re bapile le lona beng ba hatshe je, kana le ha le ntsha mowa wa mokwatla ga re kake ra tshwarwa dinko, ebile re hemela mo teng thata.

MPAPA: Hehehe, moona, a o tla mpusia sentle?

Mbuso: Kana rona re malata fela, hatshe ke la lona le Kgama wa lona, rona re ba re jang tse le di tlogelang ko tlung e e ko morago.

MPAPA: Ee, mme wa reng lelatanyana ke wena?

Mbuso: I just have a few questions for you sir, my readers want know more about you cos you appeared from nowhere like a genital wart to lead one most powerful ministries in the country.

MPAPA: Man, your language, you just sound bitter, wassup with you?

Mbuso: I am sorry if I come out that way, I think that’s the frustration currently running in the minds of a majority of Batswana manifesting itself, I’m sorry if I offend you.

MPAPA: Why would Batswana be frustrated, they are being led by the best team ever.

Mbuso: I beg to differ, the way you guys handled the strike and its aftermath still being felt in the MOE and MOH sucks.

MPAPA: My friend, we believe it’s impossible to satisfy everybody, so your criticism is misplaced, we did all we could under the prevailing circumstances. You should note that we were under attack from the militant Unions and opportunistic opposition parties.

Mbuso: So you believe you are doing good?

MPAPA: Hell yea

Mbuso: Ok back to you sir, you are a first term MP and already you head the most powerful ministry, how come?

MPAPA: You can ask the president, he appointed me, and I was glad to be given an opportunity to serve my country.

Mbuso: But sir, it did not take long for you to be where you are, and you are not know to have been a factionalist, how did he know you could do the job?

MPAPA: I did well as an assistant minister, heading the poverty eradication project

Mbuso: Did well? Apart from holding Kgotla meetings what did you do?

MPAPA: Well the backyard gardening initiative was my idea, a stroke of genius indeed.

Mbuso: Come on, even Ian Khama could have come up with that, it’s a non starter, so far how many people has it benefited?

MPAPA: Well, it’s a great idea, just imagine if all the intended beneficiaries could have their own gardens, it will be like the garden of Eden, people will have food, vegetables, translating into more self sufficiency and a drop in our import bill.

Mbuso: Why am I not surprised you think backyard gardening is the greatest invention after condoms.

MPAPA: Well, jealousy.

Mbuso: You beginning to think like him?

MPAPA: Who?

Mbuso: You know

MPAPA: I don’t

Mbuso: Lets go back to your appointment, are you sure you don’t owe it to something else other than the gardening initiative?

MPAPA: Nothing that I know of

Mbuso: I know your little secret

MPAPA: what secret? Shifts uncomfortably in his seat

Mbuso: A friend overheard the president whispering to VP that you were “cute” during your inauguration in 2009.

MPAPA: He did not say those words

Mbuso: You were being sworn in so you could not have heard that

MPAPA: Why should he say that?

Mbuso: I don’t know, you tell me

MPAPA: Well, that’s his opinion

Mbuso: Don’t you think its suspicious that very soon after he said those words you were now spending weekends with him, dressing like him and heading his most powerful ministry?

MPAPA: We are just friends?

Mbuso: Hehehe, just friends.

MPAPA: He is my boss.

Mbuso: O jola ko tirong wena?

MPAPA: Hell no, that’s ridiculous, why should you think that? I am a married man with a loving wife and a child.

Mbuso: So is Isaac Kgosi, Lewis Malikongwa and all the members of that club

MPAPA: What club?

Mbuso: The Mosu ranch akaSodom club

MPAPA: I don’t know what you are talking about?

Mbuso: You have been to the said Mosu farm?

MPAPA: The president’s farm, yes

Mbuso: I understand little farming goes on there

MPAPA: Well, yes, save for some horses

Mbuso: So what happens there?

MPAPA: Its just a place for His Excellency to relax and strategies with his closest allies

Mbuso: And I understand none of those allies drink alcohol

MPAPA: Yes, we are teetotalers?

Mbuso: So what do you do when you are there?

MPAPA: Quad biking, horse riding, swimming and the like

Mbuso: And you are not allowed to bring your wives or kids

MPAPA: Like I said, its close allies only

Mbuso: Gorge Bush had his Ranch inTexas were he sometimes invited the press and visiting dignitaries, why is it that this ranch is such a high secret?

MPAPA: Well, its not my ranch, so I can’t answer those questions

Mbuso: You hang out with a group of men, you forsake your own family, get rewarded with a top government post, what are you not telling me here?

MPAPA: Well, I have freedom of association

Mbuso: and conscience

MPAPA: Yes

Mbuso: And your conscience is clear

MPAPA: I don’t like your line of questioning, what are you suggesting?

Mbuso: Well, my sources tell me you are one of “them”

MPAPA: Whats “them”

Mbuso: The harem

MPAPA: Whose harem

Mbuso: come on, we are both grown ups here

MPAPA: Well there is no truth in those allegations

Mbuso: Really?

MPAPA: Hell yea

Mbuso: Why do people call you the first lady then?

MPAPA: no no no, do they?

Mbuso: Hell yea

MPAPA: shit

Mbuso: And the male strippers from SA that spice up the ranch?

MPAPA: Man, you are sick

Mbuso: Why should people think such things

MPAPA: Well you know Batswana have a pull him down mentality

Mbuso: So you aren’t being done

MPAPA: No no.

Mbuso: What if i can tell you i have photos

MPAPA: What photos

Mbuso: Evidence to support my allegations

MPAPA: Where did you get those photo from?

Mbuso: I am a computer hacker

MPAPA: heish… a look of defeat on his face

Mbuso: You know of those photos?

MPAPA: Yes, but I thought that moron deleted those photos, shit, who else knows of those photos

Mbuso: My lawyer, just incase something happens to me

MPAPA: Shit, you will be in trouble boy, you don’t know what you are messing with here, these here are powerful people, you will disappear.

Mbuso: I don’t scare that easy

MPAPA: Shit, what do you want?

Mbuso: Do I look like a blackmailer?

MPAPA: Shit, what am I gonna do?

Mbuso: Does your wife know about this?

MPAPA: No, but I suspect she suspects something, especially after my first weekend in Mosu, I was limping a bit and was depressed the whole week. Plus boss man can call you to his residence at any time, even if I try to lie saying its work I think she knows. He weeps…

Mbuso: I’m sorry sir. Five minutes pass as the man sobs uncontrollably.

MPAPA: Well I’m so sorry

Mbuso: For what?

MPAPA: for breaking down like that, blows his nose, drinks some water and tries to recompose himself, but its visible the man is shaken.

Mbuso: Why are you crying if I may ask

MPAPA: I’ve done things I’m ashamed of

Mbuso: Well, you are a grown man, you know what right and what’s wrong

MPAPA: Exactly that, joining politics was my biggest mistake, my family life is in shambles, my siblings don’t talk to me, I am a slave to one man.

Mbuso: Can’t you break free?

MPAPA: Its not easy mate

Mbuso: Resign your cabinet seat and your MPs seat

MPAPA: Its not easy, this man has me ensnared, eating from his palm

Mbuso: So what are you gonna do?

MPAPA: I don’t know, I have thought about this long and hard, there is no way out, I just hope BDP loses the next elections.

Mbuso: You are a prisoner of conscience 

MPAPA: You can say that again

Mbuso: Look at the brighter side, you are a top dog, an insider

MPAPA: That does not make me feel better, knowing what I had to sacrifice to get there

Mbuso: You know I am going to publish this right?

MPAPA: ….

Mbuso: Just so you don’t get all surprised when you are called to the big office

MPAPA: Well, man, you will get me in trouble

Mbuso: Who else is part of the club?

MPAPA: Well, I am not saying

Mbuso: So u have an oath of silence?

MPAPA: Mate, this is uncomfortable, can we please change the topic?

Mbuso: Ok, back to your family, is it true that your dad married his cousin?

MPAPA: Ee rra,

Mbuso: Ok, i thought people were lying

MPAPA: No

Mbuso: So you and your elder brother wa Mopalamente, do you speak much?

MPAPA: can we not speak about that? His phone rings

Mbuso: Well you can answer it

MPAPA: speaking on the phone.. Hello sir….. yes….yes…..no I am not busy….ok…..nonono….yes… yes I can….ok…. see you….me too…..hangs up

Mbuso: So?

MPAPA: shrugs..

Mbuso: Duty calls

MPAPA: Well, lets talk some other time mate, and those pictures, please please, don’t embarrass me further.

Mbuso: Its ok, enjoy!

MPAPA: mxm, bye.

Mbuso: I still have so many question for you sir, the strike, DPSM, BTV, BMD etc

MPAPA: Well, we will have to schedule some other time.

 

 

 

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